i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
