Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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