There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In America we eat man semen.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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