he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
