Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
