i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
