Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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