I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
