I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
