C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
