i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
