Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
