I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
