I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
