he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
