Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
