i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
