I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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