I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
