I'm so fucking centered right now
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
