you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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