The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
