just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
