The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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