This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
