someone get that fucking seahorse.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
