It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
