too bad you live with your parents still
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
