you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
