i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
