my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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