Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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