There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
