Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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