we have officially lost it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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