so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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