yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
