I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
