I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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