the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
