when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
