Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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