I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
