I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
