if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
