Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
