i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
