At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
