i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
