He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
