I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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